By Candlelight
by Dreamingdove1210
Summary: Hermione Granger must learn that life never happens the way you would imagine. The war continues and she must learn to fight something that existed long before her. Pairing DM/HG
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the story of Harry Potter neither characters, objects, animals nor settings. I do not seek monetary gain from this story and give credit to J.K. Rowling fully when I used any part of her beautiful written world.

Author's Note: Read and Review please, open to any constructive critism on my writing you may have. Please refrain from criticizing character traits or any plot twists as they are individual to the story and completely my decision as to what they are. Thank you and enjoy!

Chapter 1

_"Ticking clock,_

_dancing flame,_

_Dark night sky,_

_Pounding rain._

_Shadow walk,_

_Sleeping soul,_

_Bleeding heart,_

_Taking toll."_

- _MThompson_

The night seemed to draw out to lengths that bothered and soothed at the same time. In the corner the clock clicked with every minute passing yet the chiming hours never struck it seemed. A girl sat at the window watching with just the light of a single candle and the dying embers of a fire in the hearth for any signs of visitors outside. Her hands absently played with the corner of the page of a book, which she had used earlier as an excuse for being in the study, but as the house calmed and the occupants soon found slumber, all pretenses were all but necessary. For what seemed like the hundredth time, she bit her lip, tucked a stray curl behind her ear and pressed her forehead against the glass hoping to see someone coming but nothing and no one was. She took a deep breath letting out a sigh then looked quite gloomily at the candle, watching as the wax dripped silently as her brow furrowed with worry and then proceeded to go back to window, anxiously watching the raindrops slide down.

Like many nights, the rain lightly played its song on the pavement gathering along sidewalks and stoops and even drumming on the panes of each home. As midnight approaches, a silent figure paces his way through the streets, careful to make haste. As he passes an alley, he snaps his head to the left suddenly, grasping the object in his hand slightly tighter at the sound of rustling from the dumpster, but relaxes his grip slowly as he sees a cat rush by. He frowns at the sights, but continues his journey after a quick yet meticulous glance of his surrounding and finding nothing out of place. Shrugging away his thoughts he continues his strides with somewhat a quickened pace determined to reach his desired destination. As the man approaches, he looks around in caution of lingering eyes but his actions are for not as he is met with an empty street. He turns back to the space between two building, which to most would seem odd and closes his eyes as he chants his thoughts and is soon greeted with the sight of a house that though looked completely in its place to many had not existed a moment ago. Taking note of all the windows alerting him to any watchful eyes, he sighs in annoyance and exasperation at the sight of a soft light emanating from a front window. He should have known he says to himself, although he had hope even if just barely, that the lasts few times had been a fluke. He should have known better as the girl in question had no whimsical bone in her body. He quickly enters, taking care to make sure that the door didn't slam nor that he toppled the worn umbrella stand near it. After a moment of debate and another of staring down the hallway both ways, he treks his way towards the study. As he approaches he finds the door ajar and he slips in with ease and after squinting his eyes in order to see properly in the fainting light, he finds a bundle near the window and almost laughs at the sight. A book lay forgotten and lies askew on the girl curled form obviously forgotten and the blanket hangs a weird angle seemingly kicked around and twisted in the means of uneasy rest. Brown curls twist over and around the young face etched with undisguised worry. He quietly adjusts the blanket over the sleeping girl and tucks some hair behind her ear and resigns to leave her there and turns back in search of the kitchen in order to relax, it had been too long of a night.

"Your back." The voice is soft, laced with the clumsiness of sleep and followed as to prove its point by a soft yawn. He stiffens slightly at the sound of the voice not expecting to hear it tonight. He had just finished making his tea and had hoped that all this could wait until morning.

"Obviously." He responded letting his annoyance taint his voice although it carried very little harshness. He heard her footsteps come closer slowly, and he mocks in his mind at being approached like some scared feral animal, but he knew by now the hesitant approach was her fear of rejection rather than her fear of him specifically.

"I was waiting." She mentions almost off handedly just as her steps still at his side. He had yet to turn and still held hope that if she saw he was there she would leave to bed. To rest. Away from him.

"I noticed. I saw the light at the window when I arrived." There. He acknowledged her caring it should be done. He waited but he heard not steps indicating her departure.

"Did you want something, Miss Granger?" He gritted out impatiently as he grinds his teeth in exasperation. He truly wanted to be left alone. He felt her sigh and felt as she timidly placed her hand on his arm as if the connection would make a difference somehow. He tried to pull away and in vain it seemed as she tightened her grip enough to prevent it.

"I believe you forget your place Miss Granger." He declared with authority although the timbre in his voice betraying his calm façade. She remained silent in thought but just for another moment.

"Turn around." She demanded the haughtiness in her voice dripping as she squared her shoulders in determination.

"Excuse me?" He tried desperately to make it sound intimidating but apparently it had little effect on her anymore.

"Turn around, please… sir?" She spoke questioningly, perhaps truly believing that she may had overstepped her place, but none the less paired the inquiry with a demanding tug on his arm before acquiescing him his space and stepping back.

He sighed loudly but begrudgingly did as she requested. He cringed just slightly in preparation for reaction. He completely expected panic, pointless crying, or even obnoxious and excessive questioning, all having historical precedent with him. But instead he heard a soft gasp and then saw her features change from being annoyed to immediate concern and settling in the end on determination once more.

"Sit." She demanded forcefully the action causing him to bite back a laugh at how almost instantly she resembled the Weasley matriarch, with her hands on her hips and a stern no nonsense glare, all with the semblance of a mother scolding a misbehaving child.

"I repeat. I believe you forget your place, Miss Granger." He snidely said although reluctantly was forced into taking a seat as he felt his legs unnaturally buckling from under him. He glared at her wand menacingly and then at her for being forced to sit, fuming that the witch now felt embolden enough to act in such a way against him.

"You listen here, Severus Snape! You may have been my professor but now you are just a member of the Order to me and a friend whether you prefer differently or not, and I do not forget my place you silly man. You are hurt and if no one here cares then so be it but I do and I have made it my responsibility to look after your well-being and you will not only loose that smirk with me but you will let me help or so help me God you will be faced with a world of magic that I can make as obscure as possible and you will suffer the embarrassing consequences." She chastised forcefully all while making certain her speech did not wake the others as she opened a cabinet and brought out supplies. He starred at her for a moment as if a harpy had just passed by but soon straightened himself up in the chair in order to look superior but his actions brought a stinging pain through his midsection and he groaned at the movement. Hermione quickly came over at hearing him moan. Her hands were now flailing everywhere trying to figure out what was wrong. Giving up pretenses, He moaned out "ribs" in order to calm her down a bit. She nodded and quickly took out her wand and went to work. In times like these he was glad that the slip of a girl had become one of his most beloved friends. Years as a spy and a double one at that had brought many solitary nights and cold glares and he had bared them with his head held high even if his heart he had felt only betrayal. He risked his life and in truth it benefitted most of them greatly. In the end he answered to only himself as did his sins but the slip of a girl had in all her wisdom declared to care one day and had done everything possible to prove it ever since. So now as he watched the focus in those brown eyes and the care she took in treating him, he thanked Merlin, God, whoever and whatever had blessed him with such a gift. Once his ribs were dealt with she proceeded to heal the gash on the side of his head which he only remembered getting when she pulled back his hair and it had stretched his skin quite unpleasantly, pulling a pained hiss from him in response. After taking care to clean the side of his face with a wet cloth, she returned it to the bowl which now was full of bloodied water, she cast a quick vanishing spell and with another flick of her wand he found his tea was in his hand once more.

"Now…" She demanded as she stood and brushed the wrinkles from her clothes and took her spot in a seat across from him "… tell me what happened?"

He stared at her for a long moment debating whether he really wanted to share the occurrences of tonight and then with a sigh of exasperation at her no nonsense tone and one of resignation he proceeded to recount the events to her, of the night, none the less.

It soon seemed that he had been speaking for hours and judging by the sliver of light he noticed outside through the kitchen window, realized it was perhaps a great possibility but what concerned him most was the silence that had continued after his retelling from Hermione the last ten minutes. He knew she was processing a lot and that the wheels in her minding were spinning tremendously quick as she made connections, predictions and assumptions, meticulously outweighing every possibility with the next. Yet experience told him silence from her was never good. In the end after setting her mug down slowly she looked at him and then downcast her glance to the table.

"No." She stated, anger coloring her words dangerously. Her whole presence changed. Before she had been relaxed now she tensed noticeably and her voice held a sharpness to it that rarely was used.

"But NeeNee…" He protested, he had known from the moment he had decided to tell her that the possibility of her rejection had been quite high but he also knew he must do what he can even if it cost him in the end.

"Don't you dare NeeNee me, Rus!" She snapped rubbing at her eyes in frustration in what she just heard.

"I have to, you know that I do." He pleaded to her. Her glance snapped to look into his eyes, confused by the tone she had heard, searching for something in them but for what he did not know, then with a sigh of resignation she nodded her head and conceded even if somewhat reluctantly.

"Whatever you have to do Rus, whatever you need to do," she said angerly and without a second thought she left him there as he stared at her retreating form wondering what she had seen in him that had led to the conclusion she had ended choosing.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Brewing

_"The path of light,_

_Never came with ease,_

_Safe never lived,_

_Death never ceased._

_Promises lay broken,_

_Minds left behind,_

_Choices strangle,_

_Naive hope binds."_

_-MThompson_

"Well, Albus there is no easy choice I believe." Severus snapped although the gravity in his tone was poorly masked as Dumbledore starred off to a spot slightly to the left of Severus's head. Severus cringed as the headmaster just sat in silence sucking on one of his inane lemon drops while twiddling his thumbs of all things as if what Severus had just informed him and the rest of the occupants of the kitchen, was expected. Yet Severus was having a difficult time deciding if the headmaster's reaction was preferred to everyone else's reaction to what he had just said. McGonagall just sat poised with a pinch face that clearly said more than enough in his opinion about her thoughts on the matter. Lupin sat pensive as well but he could tell that the werewolf was formulating questions to ask the minute it was appropriate and both Molly and Shacklebolt looked from Dumbledore to Snape repeatedly wondering what was going to happen next.

" Ah, but my boy, easy has never been an option, not in this war or last. But I do believe in this case the risk is perhaps worthy of the reward. Warn them that it will not be easy nor will the switch of sides be a reprieve. They will fight as much as I ask of any other member of the order and they will not have it easy here. Just as our choice is not so simple neither will theirs be."

" Albus!" McGonagall finally exclaimed. Patience Snape decided was indeed a virtue and not one that the proud Gryffindor possessed by any means naturally as she shot from her perch and slammed her fists on the table in a most barbaric fashion. "You cannot be serious, the risk, their choices, what about what they have done to so many of us!" She quieted as the Headmaster lifted his hand as a symbol for her to discontinue her tirade and patiently in a voice that truly gave little away stated, " I am quite aware of what has past, but our past need not be our future and if they so choose to change it with much personal risks to themselves, than I will not turn away neither their support nor help, regardless of what the reasons may be. And…" He added with a tone of finality, "… I will not be second guest on this notion by any of you." Nodding in Severus direction, "You know what to do Severus, I leave it in your hands my boy." Severus groaned inwardly as he had hoped that the task may have been put in someone else's hands, for he decided that he had too many responsibilities as is and more just would not do. He now had to mastermind a plan and how he hated to do so yet again.

A fortnight later found Severus in the makeshift lab he had furnished in the one of the rooms of the dingy basement of Grimmauld place. Although he detested the damp darkness of it he found that most residents of the house seldom wondered through it which afforded him some essence of privacy. He had adapted to the makeshift space well enough after adding shelves and cabinets to line some of the walls for storage and a few workbenches to house the preparation of a few potions at a time, he could almost pretend that he was alone again, a small comfort indeed. The war had raged for many years now and many occurrences led to the packing of the large residence of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. For one once the school had closed the golden trio had found their way to its doorstep as well as the Weasleys at least in part, as Molly had become adamant at cooking most meals for the order and providing medical assistance as needed with the aid of Madame Pomfrey. Remus Lupin as well as his now wife, Nymphadora had also decided to stay as Severus was the one to brew the Wolfsbane every month for the werewolf. Then Ms. Lovegood had joined the group after surviving an encounter with Death Eaters which regrettably left her an orphan and homeless. As well as Severus himself along with others that sought temporary housing every so often.

Severus was brought out of his musing as some fur brushed against his arm, alerting him to her presence. He watched as the cat curled close to the cauldron he was working on and watched him lazily. He smirked at the cat.

" If the cauldron explodes on you it will be all your fault you know." He stated in an offhand tone as if it was something to be expected. That cat left out a meow before gracefully uncurling herself and jumping off the workbench.

" Rus, you know as well as I do that it won't. You would have to be drunk , blind and under Imperious for you to mess up a simple headache relief potion that we learn to make as first years." Hermione huffed back as she transfigured back to human and stood behind Severus. The position in fact allowed him to full out grin before he prepared his response.

" It would be a shame to ruin the beautiful fur of such a catty woman. Shame indeed." Hermione just went up to Severus and hit him upside the head for that remark before settling herself comfortably on the workbench once more, although now in human form.

Severus glared. "Am I to assume that man handling me is punishment for yesterday or have you finally decided to become my mother again, which I believe I expressed quite clearly that I would not be like every other boy in the house that entertains your hostile ways."

Hermione just crossed her legs and stared at her fingernails idly. "We both know that you get treated the same as everyone else, because I have never chosen favorites, as for yesterday, I truly do not wish to discuss it so leave it at that."

He looked at the woman next to him, studying how tense she was even if she was trying to behave otherwise. In many ways it just wasn't fair to her but in war nothing is fair for anyone.

Hermione on the other hand had come to that very same conclusion before she had interrupted him earlier. She had watched him work for a while, the normalcy of his movements a routine she had been witness to since she met the man, calmed her frayed nerves tremendously. His face had aged from the stress he was almost always under, she noticed and smiled to herself when she noticed he really didn't have laugh lines. She had to admit it was hard to get a smile from him but his eyes almost always told her everything she needed to know. So, now as she watched him she knew he needed a friend that the burdens on his shoulders were wearing him to the ground, but she refused for now to discuss it. She could still not bring herself to do that just yet.

Once Severus finished the brew, in silence as Hermione really did not seem in the mood to talk much, he settled in the worn armchair in the corner after selecting a book to read. It was late and he needed a distraction from it all. He had expected for Hermione to follow his lead and grab a book for herself, but minutes into his reading he felt a small weight in his lap and look down to see a cat curled there, her head resting against is another hand. He took her gesture for what a meant, comfort and went on reading.

It was in the wee hours in the morning that Severus was ripped away from sleep due to the burning sensation in his arm. The sudden jerk had woken Hermione and she just looked up at him and meowed before slinking away from him. He decided he couldn't look her much right then and there and may his way from the room quickly. Just as he passed the threshold of the door, a girl starred after him a single tear rolling down her face and a parting whisper.

"Come back, please come back." The words never reached him and were left to disappear in the now empty room as the cat made her way to the study window and waited, watching the shadows outside once again.

"Master?" He enquired on one knee, fixing his gaze on the dirty stone floor. He closed his mind and became what he perhaps hated most. With a cold stone heart he waited.

"Come Severusss." The man hissed.

"What do you demand of me?" He said.

"Everything. Tonight we will wreak havoc on those who are foolish enough to fight against me."

"Yes Master" He replied eyes still fixed on the floor. "Whatever you wish."

And with that they disappeared.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Smoke

_"Blacken air,_

_Of stifled screams,_

_Death is hope,_

_Haze is seen._

_Past, present combine,_

_Soundless pleads,_

_Making choices,_

_Ripping seams."_

_-MThompson_

Severus looked around him in a blank gaze. The smoke that engulfed the air around him was disorienting at best. It engulfed the air around him shrouding the now burning neighborhood. It was terror, pure raw horror and yet it did register much in his mind. He looked around almost fascinated in a perverse way, the way of the death eater he pledged to be, at the streams of clouding smoke and ash the burning beauty of the flames. He could hear pleas and screams from every direction from the victims and the cries of triumphs from his comrades. He turned suddenly, captivated by the sight of a small home that had just begun to burn in a haze of smoke in front of him. The impulse to enter, the curiosity that peaked out from nowhere at all, called him, ironically like a moth to a flame. He cursed at himself for risking it as he moved briskly into the building, it was not his job tonight. No. His job was deceptively simple. Play his part and walk away. Survive. He had to just be part of the chaos and come home alive; it was what was expected of him. The order needed any shred of drivel he could pass on to them in order for them to achieve the upper hand in this living nightmare. Severus could not help it. They believe him cold-blooded of fostering a stone heart but he did not possess either, he never truly did. As he tracked around in the house searching for any survivors, no victims, he repeated to himself, to survive any of this perhaps hurt more than the mercy of death. As he ran swiftly up the steps to the second floor, he stumbled upon the sight of a baby in its crib. In that singular moment he was back, back to a time he so wish would stop hunting him. His mind brought forth emerald eyes, brought forth a sorrow and the stench of death with it so strongly, he thought he might collapse there and then. The child's wailing and a sudden scream jolted Severus back to the present and quickly snapped his gaze to his left. Just past the smoke, he could make out the figure of whom he assumed to be the child's mother running towards him, towards the baby. He was set to leave in that instance assured that the women would take her child and leave and he in turn would cause a distraction in order for her to make it out alive. In the next second, pure horror flitted into his mind as he watched stricken as a flaming beam collapsed just in front of the mother's path. The women screamed once more, screaming at him but he was so in shock with what had happened he could not hear her. Desperately he clawed at his mask as if the simple notion would aide him somehow. As soon as the mask was vanished from his face, he saw recognition in the woman's eyes and after really looking at her, it took a moment longer for him to recognize the woman in front of him, he was sure that the recognition was on his face as well. The woman was one of his old students. He had not seen her in years, not that he really had paid much attention, but upon seeing his face, she cried out again although the words were now a plead instead of angry shouts.

" Professor!" the woman shouted, the effort to do so making her as smoke filled her lungs but she pushed on," Save her please! Save her, I beg of you, Save her! My child, my only child!" The woman was now openly weeping accepting her fate so clearly and quickly. She just kept screaming at him, pleading to her Professor , someone she trusted so many years and still did, and that broke Severus in more ways than one that night. It did not seem to matter to this woman, that he was dressed like the very same people that had made this happen. She begged like a child to her Professor, like he could make everything right again. He rushed towards her, but another beam fell in his path. He watched the beam burn and then looked back at the tear stained woman once more.

" Forget me, Save her, Please!" The woman shouted. He looked at her for a moment longer and swiftly made his way towards the baby once more. He must be quick in whatever he was to do, the flames were spreading too quickly and even as he tried to stall it with his magic, it continued to grow. He quickly wrapped the child in her blanket and tucked her in his cloak in an attempt to shield her from what was to come. The smoke was getting thicker and the path in front of him was blurring. He made his way out of the room and tried to show the woman that her child would be safe but he could not see her anymore. He turned back and quickly tried to exit the burning building that was now slowly collapsing around and on them. It took a few tries, as the path out was suddenly blocked by burning debris again and again, but in the end he through the back of the house. As he coughed near a tree he looked back at the burning house and said a prayer for the life he could not save. The piercing wail of the child he now held, reminded him that it was still not safe, so he turned disapparated quickly. No one could see him with this child.

Back at Grimmauld place the atmosphere was light and warm. All the Weasleys had come and gathered. The laughter that soon hypnotized everyone gave them a reprieve from the gloom that seemed to linger in the air far too often it seemed. Bill and Charlie were quick to tease their mum and tell the most exaggerated stories but it captivated everyone all the same. The twins smuggled in jokes and tricks all around but all were taken in good fun. Some found they sprouted feathers, others were enjoying a change of color to say the least and the mother Weasley chased her sons around all while they laughed and cheered. _

" Hermione! Hermione!" Severus called as he burst through the entrance of Grimmauld place, soundly ignoring the now shrieking portrait of Mrs. Black that would soon wake any who were sleeping in the house. Hermione had been in the kitchen enjoying some after supper tea which at hearing some scream for her she promptly choked on the mouthful she had just had and while still in a coughing fit, struggled out of the bench. She scrambled and ran quickly to the voice calling her, fear ripping through every part of her body at the urgency of the call.

She heard the sound of others following her and the sounds of the others running down the stairs to see what was happening but she quickly forgot everything when she saw the sight in front of her. Severus was hunched over coughing a fit, his face smeared in soot but what had made her pause was the sound of wailing that now just reached her ears. She watched almost as in a trance as Severus revealed a baby from the depths of his cloak.

"Oh my, Severus what happened!" Molly Weasley exclaimed as she rushed forward taking the child from the man and desperately trying to calm the child as Hermione rushed towards Severus. She quickly cast a cleansing spell at Severus as well as a lung clearing spell for he still was coughing and by the looks of it he was covered in ash. The coughing fit ended abruptly with the spell but no sooner had it stop, Severus just seemed to collapse to the ground. Hermione yelped as she tried to hold him up as she had been the closet to do so but he was too much for her small frame and she followed him to the floor to make quite an undignified heap. Severus once feeling Hermione on the floor with him, latched to her waist desperately as if in fear that she really was not there with him or perhaps to keep her there, she could not tell truly. Hermione looked up at the questioning eyes of everyone that had filed in the entry way.

"Leave." She commanded in a low voice but the tone was irrefutable. No sooner had they left, that Hermione felt hot tears start to soak into the fabric on her stomach. The notion that Severus of all people was now crying on her lap disturbed her more than she was honestly comfortable with. He began to stay things into her skin and she could not make out word of it, muffled as it was. Hermione was truly lost on what to do. She had always run so many possibilities in her mind of how to help the man when he came back but this, a sobbing broken man, had never been one of those possibilities. So she rested her back against the door and attempted to sooth the crying man, but she found that she had no clue how to comfort him, especially not knowing anything about what happened so she sat helplessly has she felt the hot tears spreading on her stomach and held the man close to her offering him whatever it was he needed from her at the moment and letting him take it.

An hour later, she had been able to coax a slightly calmer Severus to his room. He had always been a private man and she did not believe that he truly wanted anyone, even her to witness this side of him, but it seemed that he needed her to be there more than anything at the moment. So she sat in the bed as he hugged her waist and she combed her fingers gently through his hair in an attempt to soothe and quite his tears. It took almost another hour for the tears to stop streaming into her lap continuously and another twenty minutes before Severus finally spoke.

"Professor." He said in a hoarse and toneless voice. Hermione stilled her hand for a moment but continued waiting for him to say more.

"She called me Professor."

Hermione winced at the emptiness in his hollow voice but decided that he needed some acknowledgement that she was actually listening to him so she responded quietly back.

"Who, Rus?" she inquired timidly.

"Abigail Rosewood" He stated in a pained voice as he grabbed the hand that was combing his locks and brought it to rest on the side of his face.

"She was one of my Slytherins. Always was one of the braver ones in the bunch. She never asked me for anything you know," He reminisced, "she was stubborn to boot and if she could not handle something, she always found a way to the next time. So brave she was. I was so proud." And then as if finally remembering again, he repeated, "She called me Professor."

" Rus, what happened?" Hermione said softly, although he heard the inquiry in her voice.

" The Dark Lord, he decided we needed to have some _fun_, at least what that animal believes it to be, and we were sent to raid a small village not far from Brighton. We were instructed to kill any that resisted. I walked into a burning house, why I could not say but I did, and that is when I… when I found her, her and her child. I did not place a name to the face immediately and as she made her way to save her child the roof started to collapse and it blocked her pat. I tried…I tried to get to her but the flames were growing quickly and she was begging me to save her child, NeeNee." He admitted burying his face into her lap again gripping her hand tightly before confessing in a lifeless voice, "She did not see the Death Eater, she saw her Professor and she trusted him. She trusted the man she once knew, pleaded to him and I could not get to her out."

"Severus, you tried, did you not, you did what you could." Hermione tried to reason although she knew no amount of it would ever make a difference.

"It was not enough NeeNee, it was not enough." He said his voice full of resignation. He just settled deeper into her lap as he held onto her hand as if she could make everything better make it all go away.

Hermione hated the emptiness in his voice. She blinked quickly begging for her tears not to come. This man, her professor, her mentor, her friend had to deal with so much and she wondered everyday if his heart would make it through this war.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Turning tide,

Circling winds,

Clashing waves,

Repenting sin.

Calling peace,

Silent war,

Grazing strength,

Burning core"

-MThompson

A few days passed before Severus began to make regular appearances at the table. He froze mid bite one morning when he saw Molly hand over the baby to Hermione, who seemed to be making a fuss. It had taken some coaxing on her part but after a day of calling the child baby, Hermione had convinced him that he should name the baby. After some protesting on his part, he huffed and then declared that the baby was to be called Abby, in honor of her mother. He had grimaced at Hermione's proud face and had sulked back into his room. Now in this moment he wished he had stayed there as he watched in undisguised horror as Hermione pointed her wand at herself and began to unbutton her blouse. Then he watched in further horror as she, in front of all the residents of the house, male and female alike, calmly unclasped her bra in the front and guided the fussing child to her breast. The others it seemed had apparently witnessed this occurrence happen already as they paid little attention to what the young woman was doing, but he stared at her in complete disbelief as she hummed to the child soothingly as it suckled her breast.

" NeeNee, what in the world are you doing?" Severus said as if chastising her, he knew he should actually but he couldn't muster much of a reproach on her part.

" Oh really Rus, its natural part of life. I'm feeding the baby." She said as if she were simply describing breathing to him. Then she just went back to humming softly to the bundle in her arms.

" I can see that!" He bit out, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palms in frustration. "Do you not think it is a bit, shall we say, inappropriate to do such a thing in public."

Hermione glared at him for a seconded and huffed indignantly." There is nothing I have to be ashamed of, so no, if it bothers anyone they can ignore me or leave." she said in a matter of fact tone while glancing at everyone in the room daring them to leave so she could give them a piece of her mind.

He went to answer her again but Remus leaned over and whispered to him softly, "I would stop while your ahead Severus," the man whispered as he wearily glanced in Hermione's direction as she turned back to the child, "Ron questioned her along the same lines and she cursed him seven ways to Sunday, quite impressive really, but no one has bothered to tell her anything since."

Severus just started at her in disbelief but brought his attention back to his breakfast nonetheless, even if it was with a little less enthusiasm than before; that woman was out of her mind and he knew better than to be on the receiving end of one of her curses.

"Can you please take Abby, Severus, she's done eating." Hermione asked as she held out the baby for him to take. He was quite hesitant to do so as he felt uncomfortable with holding such a fragile thing in his arms but he had done it before and Merlin forbid he back down from such a simple task as holding a child for a few minutes. So he gently took the child and cradled it in his arms as he pointedly focused on anything but Hermione as she covered herself up again after nursing the baby, although he noticed much to his continued displeasure, that the impertinent woman had little modesty with her exposed body. They were down in his lab, and Hermione had decided that feeding the baby in public really did not perturb her nor should it concern her if it bothered anyone else in the room. He took the child hesitantly as if it were dangerous for him to hold her, but in the time it took Hermione to fix herself up, the baby had fallen contently asleep in his arms. When Hermione look up at the sight, a smile slowly spread on her face as she watched Severus with the baby.

" I have talked with Andromeda about Abby and once I have finished with nursing her she'll take her. I really don't think it's the best idea to have a baby around but she needs nursing and Andromeda is already nursing two other orphaned children. Once Abby can eat baby food, I do believe it is best we do not have a toddler running around this house." She told him, although he noticed the slight sadness that colored her words. He wished he could convince her not to get attach but she would anyways.

Therefore, he simply nodded as he gently rocked the baby for a few more seconds and then carefully set her down in the crib Hermione had set up down in the basement.

"Hermione, I'm going to be bringing them here soon." He began cautiously and he watched as she immediately tensed at his words. "If you want to take Abby to Andromeda's and stay there while your nursing, I would understand."

Hermione seemed to be taking in his words and processing them slowly but he watched almost fascinated as she became less rigid then sighed and wrapped her arms around him. "You are my friend, above anything else; I will not leave you regardless. Just know that I have a wand and you know exactly what I can do with it. Besides what would you do without your cat?" She said with a hidden grin he felt against his chest.

Severus let out a rare chuckle, hugged her closer, then kissed the top of her head as he whispered into her hair, "What would I do without my cat, indeed."

Another fortnight passed before Severus came back with company. As he entered the residence first, he was met with a soft meow and he quickly picked up the cat in his arm. She then warmly nuzzled his chin and licked at his cheek in welcome, before settling in his arms.

" I see you waited up again." He chastised softly to her as he stroked her fur, which helped to soothe the slightly trembling cat . He turned around at the sounds of three pairs of shuffling feet and the shutting door, reminding him that he had not arrived alone.

" You must be careful not to make much of a racket as you will set off the damnable portrait of one of the most obnoxious woman I have ever had the displeasure to meet." He growled at them in annoyance.

" Meow" the cat added as if to agree to the statement. Sadly, the sound redirected everyone's attention to the small feline almost immediately. Severus sighed at the actions and petted her softly in order to calm her. " This is my familiar Nina. " He introduced with a note of undisguised pride before continuing, " your rooms will be in the basement just down the hall from mine. You will be expected to appear at the table for meals as you will not be catered to in any way. If you have any problems with any of the residents let me know and I will act accordingly. While here you are expected to participate and act like any other member, understood."

He lead them to the kitchens where the visitors were met by every pair of eyes that the house held, apparently Hermione wasn't the only one to have stayed up. He sighed but introduced them anyways.

"My, my, what a surprise, " he bit out sarcastically before continuing, "For all of you who do not know or bothered to pay attention, these are the Malfoys and they are now part of the Order."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Through eyes of another

I traced my steps,

But what I found blindly,

Broke heart and wept.

Along the path of another,

I saw back nothing bright

I faced mirror shattered,

Deaden in fight."

- MThompson

I looked up from the creaking board beneath my tired feet where I had yet to stop paying attention to, as if my path would simply disappear from under me and I would wake up from this nightmare I was living. The action was really a reflex on my part as everyone in front of me had stilled in a step and the rumble of white noise that had slowly grown, cut off unnaturally leaving a dead silence in its wake. For the first time I noticed the cramped kitchen I had unknowingly been led to. From some place in front of me I heard a quiet meow break the eerie calm and almost all at once voices began to blend together. I saw some angry faces spitting words I did not here, saw glares and accusation flung my way and I took them, I accepted them for I deserved them. As my godfather sneered at the crowd effectively silencing the bunch with what power I could not understand, I finally took the time to really look at the faces that hated the very idea of me so. Perhaps due years of seeking the particular faces in the crowded corridors, the first ones I saw were Potter and Weasley and their expressions said it all. Potter had his arms crossed, and upheld a look of defiance that seemed so natural to him. Weasley on the other hand had his fists clenched at his sides as he seemed to take measured breaths, controlling a fit of rage I was just too familiar with him expressing. I wondered for a minute where the third of the trio was but her face did not jump out at me, so I kept registering the rest. None carried a friendly expression, though not whole hardly surprised he had expected some sap to pity them or for some motherly type to welcome them. The closest he got to either came from none other than Luna Lovegood. A strange girl by anyone's meaning, she carried an air of expectancy and questioning. Strange it was, if I ever saw it. My godfather's voice broke through before I could think much more of it though.

"The Malfoys are now part of the order and this safe house. If you would like to voice your concerns please do, but not to me. Entertain the Headmaster by all means with your petty problems and forget that we are fighting a war by all means." The man drawled and yet the timbre of his voice stated, quite clearly, that what he was doing would not be argued with him at any degree. I followed his steps once more as he led my family and I off another hallway and after pausing to open a door for them, I stepped into the darkness. How ironic to leave the dark side, he mused, and be then engulfed by the dimness of what they now had to call home." He let his shoulders slump. This was life now. He had not chosen it but he sure would have to live with it.

Severus rubbed his eyes frustrated at how imbecilic the order was behaving. He pushed his way into his room and slumped in the chair at his desk. The bloody order always wanted to preach acceptance, tolerance, and state they held no prejudice, but although there more standards were light years ahead of death eaters they still succumbed to the basis animal instincts without putting to use the gray matter in between their ears called a brain. He slammed his fist on the desk in sheer anger but calmed slightly at the sound of a worried meow. He looked to the floor to see her wrap around his leg as if to share her strength with him. He bit back the biting remark as it lingered on his tongue and rested his head back in the chair, letting some tension release from his form. Moments later he felt her transform and he focused on the quiet steps walking around his room, letting the soft sound soothe his frayed nerves. He heard glass clink as it was disturbed and then felt a tumbler pressed into his hand as he felt her weight settle in lap. He hummed in gratefulness and as he brought the drink to his lips he wrapped an arm around her waist in easy acceptance of her warmth.

" I believe it was you who not so longed ago gave me quite a tongue lashing for enjoying my whiskey, and now you see it fit to serve me. What have I done to deserve this? I must repeatedly do it again and again." He mocked gently at her as she settled herself more comfortably on him and rested her head on his shoulder in easy companionship.

She stroked his hand gently as if to soothe him further. "You seem to need it tonight. For I very much like you sane and I fear for your mental stability with all this stress you are under."

"Do not worry NeeNee; you're here, your all I need to be sane, for you are the very reminder of what happens to a person with insanity." He smirked at her. She slapped his chest with no real energy and smiled warmly at him.

"Hmph." She protested with a badly concealed grin before continuing, " This insane woman will leave now if I am such a reminder." She made to get off him and managed only half way before he pulled her back as she finally succumbed to laughter. "Stay." He stated. She quieted down and after kissing his cheek he felt her form shrink, and the cat once more curled in his lap as he stroked her fur lost in the world of his thoughts.

"Why do I have to do this?" The girl whined and pouted in front of him. He wanted to laugh at the sight of the full-grown woman throwing a childish tantrum in front of him.

"May I remind you that you volunteered for said job, actually if I remember correctly, it was your idea to begin with?" He smirked back with a raised brow daring here to rebuttal. She glared at him for several seconds before sitting at the edge of his unmade bed.

"I know it was my idea, but I did not think so far ahead as it being my job to do it. I figured that some extendable ears or some of the other devices the twins have produced would have worked, not that I would have to do it myself. Honestly Rus, you know that I love you but this, how can I put all this anger aside and be nice to them. I do not think I can. The first time I hear… well anything really, bad about anyone including you I will not take it lightly."

Snape made his way toward her and kneeled in front of her in an attempt to meet her gaze. As it seems that she was hell-bent on avoiding it he guided her chin in order for her to meet it. "Hermione," He spoke softly. It worked. The tender voice calling her made her meet his eyes, his pleading eyes. "You can do this, I know I ask too much sometimes, but for me, can you please try, be strong for me." She felt tears building behind her eyes as she cupped his face, "You of all people have the right to ask me all that you want from me Rus, anything, actually..." She straightened up and pulled him up with her, "…you stubborn man, do not ask enough." She straightened her shoulders and with a determination that warmed his heart she marched away. The way this girl made up her mind on things was completely amazing to him. She just flipped an invisible switch and not even the dark lord would stop her if it were so her will. She would make her lists and plan everything out but she would do it, Gryffindor Lioness through and through.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Words about me,

Never quite touched,

Words to those I loved,

Burned too much.

Stares directed judging me,

Never saw tried and true,

Glances to hearts of mine,

I never let stew."

-MThompson

Draco woke up to the noise of scratches at his door. It irked him that he was still living a nightmare if the current unfamiliar room he found himself in was any indication. He missed his bed and his stuff, he was an only child, but now in this place is when the feeling of being alone finely crept upon him. There was no hope in returning to school, to spend time laughing in the common room, or even mocking the gullible first years. Instead he was now stuck in the basement of the oldest looking house, he had ever been in and he questioned if it would fall apart if not for the magic that was so deeply imbedded into it. In all honestly, at least to himself, complaints of any sort were childish and petty at this point. He had a bed, a roof no matter how shabby over his head and by the smell, that even down in the basement, drifted from the kitchen, food. The scratching persisted and with a heavy sigh he decided to get up from the bed and see what the racket was.

Hermione scratched repeatedly at the dumb door. If she had to do this, she was determined to be as annoying as possible. Although she realized that her actions were annoying her as well and all this thinking was giving her a headache. Suddenly, the aforementioned door opened to reveal the bane of her existence, at least in this house. He seemed surprisingly unkempt for the proper aristocrat the boy and she guessed, now man, usually seemed to portray. Taking advantage of his confused state she slithered into his room and as royally as she could, lept up on the bed and just settled herself and began the starring contest she decided was appropriate. It was quite hilarious the look that Draco made as he watched her. She was glad, for once, that as a cat her facial features would not give her away so easily for she was sure she would be smirking at the moment. He seemed to be contemplating what to do next but Snape saved him the trouble as he walked by the still open door.

"Draco, breakfast is in ten minutes. I suggest you make yourself presentable quickly. I assure you if you are late there will be no food left." He commented dryly before sparing a look at Hermione and raising an eyebrow. She meowed and taking her hint to leave for now, she rushed to Severus's side twining around his legs. Draco in turn fixed his gaze on her once more.

"I see you have met my familiar." Snape said before departing. Draco just gazed dumbly down the hall, before returning to his room, life was going to be extremely long in this place he decided.

When he finally made it up to the kitchen, he wanted to moan in frustration. It seemed that the small kitchen was determined to accommodate nearly two dozen people many of them the Weasleys. On top of that, most were animatedly discussing their topics of choice as Mother Weasley hustled around bringing dishes along the table in order to begin breakfast. He gladly found sight of his mother and father near the end of the benched table talking quietly with his Godfather. He quickly made his way towards them and settled down ignoring the chatter completely as he shoveled food onto his plate in order to finish his meal as quickly as possible. He regretted his choice in the next minute when none other than Granger entered the room with a baby in her arms. If that sight was not enough to shock him into almost choking on his food, the sight of her making her way towards his Godfather's side with said baby practically did. He stared dumbfounded at her as she calmly passed the child to him and sat down as his godfather greeted the baby. Taking the child back into her arms once more, his godfather began placing food on her plate as she cooed to the now fussing child and when he finished by serving her, her tea, she thanked him with a smile that he returned. The scene was obscenely domestic especially coming from the usually cold man his Godfather usually was. At this point, his parents were staring at the happy couple as well. So Snape had a child, with none other than Hermione Granger. The scene just was not processing well in his mind. By the looks on his parents' faces, they had had no clue either but ever the Slytherins, they did not comment. Hastily swallowing the rest of his food, he excused himself from the table; it was all just too much.

Later, Draco walked into the Library in hopes of finding something to occupy his time with until he was assigned a mission in the next order meeting. He quickly found that there was not much to do around the house unless he wanted to clean like a common house elf and until he was forced to do it, he simply refused. What he was not prepared for was the sight of the resident bookworm to be knitting, what it was per say, apart from being a ghastly shade of yellow, he had no clue.

"Well, well Granger. Finally showing your true colors?" He mocked. "Baby and knitting, at your age, how very domestic and completely muggle of you."

Hermione tensed visibly but kept her mouth shut and attempted to focus on her hat. She would just keep knitting and ignore him until he left her alone. Draco it seemed had other plans.

"How long did it take Granger, before your impulse to mother made you shack up with my Godfather. What exactly were you thinking? Didn't Weasley want to give you a brood? You had to go and make one with a Death Eater of all people." Draco kept mocking her, and after she figured out why he thought she had a child and why he believed it was Snape's, she attempted to hold back. What she had not counted on was having to hear Severus be put down and then the Weasleys. It made her snap.

" You know what Malfoy, whatever and whomever I choose to have a brood with is completely up to me and for your information anyone in this house, including the Weasleys and your Godfather, are better people than you can ever hope to be, so good luck surviving this war if you keep this up. If I remember correctly your Death Eater friends want your head and honestly no one here cares, so stop biting the hand that feeds you because you will starve and die." By the end of her rant she was practically screaming and then she grabbed her stuff and stormed out of the room, letting him chew on that for a while. Draco was pissed and before he could remark she was gone. The anger seemed to boil inside of him and he just punched the wall closet to him repeatedly. He hated it here. He had to choose from to holes to fall in and at this point he could care less, he was going to suffer either way.

Hermione quickly dropped her stuff off in her room, transformed and ran to the basement. She did not care who saw her at this point and neglected all the concerned questionings as she ran past multiple pairs of feet. She made her way to Severus's lab as fast as she could. She nudged the door closed behind her in a blind haze, then transformed and locked it so quickly that has Severus turned around from his work to see what was wrong she had already flung her arms around him and had buried her face in his chest. She then continued to sob into him. Severus on his end was concerned but after asking her what was wrong she just shook her head and kept crying leaving him to just hold her and let her take what she needed from him.

It was hours before Severus had a time to really think again. Hermione had fallen asleep on one the chairs in his lab after sobbing her eyes out. As he stared at her now, he wondered what had caused such a reaction. Since she had not wanted to tell him he could only assume it had to deal with the Malfoys. He would talk to his Godson first. Something told him he was likely the one to cause this. The thought disturbed him greatly, and if this kept happening he vowed to put an end to it, even if it meant leaving the Malfoys to someone else.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Struggle

"Dreaming dove shed its tears,

Strangled cries reaching empty ears,

The moon shined on the battered soul

Fighting the changing tide taking toll."

- MThompson

Hermione was fiercely pacing back and in forth in front of Severus in the lab he watched as she rolled her shoulders and rubbed at her temples. He briefly wondered that if she was in her cat form it would be hilarious to watch but decided that perhaps now was not the time to share this idea with her.

"I cannot do it. I just cannot. How could have ever thought… it's impossible… Way to go Hermione… had to be all responsible and use your brain…"

"NeeNee." Severus called

"What was I thinking… it's impossible…? I cannot…" She continued ranting mindlessly but when one of her outburst resulted in her almost knocking over a steaming cauldron Severus got up.

"NeeNee…" He stilled her pacing and the action directed her attention solely to him.

"You and I both know that that big soft heart of yours is what got you into all of this. Your optimism, you. I would question you more if you hadn't." He spoke gently to her.

Hermione looked at his gaze for one more second before tearing away. She took a couple deep breaths facing away from him.

"Yea, well I was just plain stupid Rus. Gryffindor through and through." She has sobbed burying her face in her hands.

Severus slowly made his way towards her, gently lifting her face to meet his gaze.

" Stupid is not a word I would ever use for someone so brilliant that she outshines anyone in the room. NeeNee, you do not see the light in your eyes nor do you notice the difference you make in any of our lives. I would never trade this Gryffindor for anything. This Gryffindor saved this worthless Snake from the pits of hell." She pulled away not wanting to believe his words, he was just trying to make her feel better and dammit she wanted to sob. Severus was relentless in his task and even as she transformed he picked her up preventing her from running away. She meowed in protest as he lifted her into his arms. "You…" Severus continued as he stroked her soothingly, "my wonderful little lioness saved this soul because of who you are, or don't you remember the bat of the dungeons." As he tapered off his speech, which even to his ears sounded particularly desperate, memories flooded him.

_It was thankfully warm in the Gryffindor common room. The cozy fire illuminated the celebrations of the recent Quidditch win of Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor. There were bottles and bottles of butterbeer passed around, cheers and reenactments by the most dedicated of fans, making the rest laugh until they could not breathe properly. Hermione who had been reading for transfiguration, had been inelegantly dragged over to the center of the lively celebration after Harry had grabbed the book she had been focusing on and thrown it somewhere behind him. Before she could lecture him on how he should respect books and treat them properly, Ron had managed to lift her in a fireman's hold, making her shriek and parade her around in excitement telling her she needed to be having fun and forget study for once. Putting her down, she attempted to look strict but at the sight of the sheepish grin coming from her two best friends she laughed and decided it was time for a break, at least for a little while. _

_Severus slipped in the mud again, only making his anger bubble more viciously as he made his way, abashedly clumsily, to the castle. It was a slow pace as his muscles would not permit anything else and the worse was still to come. The pouring rain chilled him to the bones and the walk up to the castle seemed to never shorten as he trekked his way there. _

_Hermione starred at the fire not slowly dying in the hearth. The night's festivities now over after most had trekked their ways to bed, she smiled sadly. Sighing she lifted herself from the comfort of the worn armchair she had claimed, in order to make her way to bed. Before she could make her way upstairs she saw her book near the third step and bent down with a rolling of her eyes remembering Harry's earlier antics. She stared at the cover for a while. There was nothing specific but just the plain detail fascinated her. The leather had a delicate patterns embossed, that dramatically changed from complex to simple haphazardly all around it. She was pulled away from her musing at sound of a meow and found that Crookshanks, the great orange fur ball that he was, was perched at the top of the stars starring back at her. It seemed he wanted to go to bed like everyone else. She found though that as she approached a window a few steps further up that a movement outside caught her eye. She almost dismissed it as just a flying owl but as she focused her sight more she saw a black mas moving quite slowly towards the castle. Then as if the castle knew, which some part of her assumed it did actually, the window grew larger. She watched as the mass stubled but just as she decided to alert the headmaster light flooded the figure as the doors of the Great Hall opened as she watched said headmaster, Professor McGonagall and Hagrid race towards it. She was shocked when instead of spells being cast back and forth Hagrid immediately lifted the man into his hold and raced back to the castle. In that moment she knew exactly who it was and she rushed from her perch on the window and ran to the hospital wing. _

_"Professor!" Hermione exclaimed as she watched her Potion's professor writhed on the bed even against Hagrid's firm hold which later she would think was doing more harm than good. _

_"Miss Granger!" McGonagall protested. " what in the world are you doing up at this hour and in the corridors!"_

_Hermione thought of apologizing, but the drive in her to help was winning the battle. _

_"I want to help Professor." McGonagall was about to protest further when Professor Dumbledore interceded," Minerva let her, if she so wishes." Professor McGonagall made a pinched face but remained silent. Professor Snape was still writhing around but no matter what Madame Pomfrey did nothing seemed to change. Hermione braced herself for what she was about to do. This man would not take kindly to what she was about to do. Stepping closer she brought her wand and cast her spell. Then all went black._

_Hermione woke up to shouts that were making her head pound. She groaned as she turned her form to rest on its back before slowly opening her eyes to the brightness of the room. _

_"Well Miss Granger has decided to grace us with her presence once more" Snapped Professor Snape from the bed next to hers. She flinched at his biting tone and hesitantly brought her gaze to the people now surrounding her bed. _

_"Miss Granger!" Madame Pomfrey exclaimed, " you are never to use that spell again, what did you think you would solve child by giving me two patients to look after instead of one. Honestly!" Professor McGonagall sniffed as insulted and left and the Headmaster graced her with a gentle smile before departing. Although grateful of being spared further lecturing, when she heard a throat clear next to hear she thought maybe this particular fate was worse. _

_"You are never to do what you did again, is that understood." He bit at her harshly._

_Hermione ignored his comment as she tied her shoes and began t leave. She stopped just after a few steps as he questioned curiously, "why?"_

_She turned back starring at the man before answering, "you."_

It was not the last time she used the spell. In fact every time she could figure out that he was in the hospital writhing or injured she snuck in and every morning he asked why, the answer never changed. It frustrated him immensely. It had taken a couple years but she had wormed her way into his life quite completely and now , he could not picture his life without her. It had been her Gryffindor heart but sometimes he wondered if it was just plainly Hermione. She was so brave and strong the tears now disconcerted him more than anything. Something had to change, but what.


End file.
